I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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