ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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