No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
