the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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