I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
