smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
