I'm so fucking centered right now
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
