I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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