I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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