before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
