Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You've changed since you got that strap on
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
