I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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