Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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