1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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