I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
