She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
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So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
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Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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