you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
