Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
