you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
