Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
