party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I enjoy the company of your penis
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
