Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
