At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We have started to decorate penises.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
