i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
