how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
