I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
