I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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