im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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