so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
