Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Randomize
