his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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