Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Moan for me like Helen Keller
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize