I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize