Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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