Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
