then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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