i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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