I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Acid is not a monday night drug
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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