you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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