Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
