Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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