Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
