Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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