so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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