why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
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if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
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I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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