1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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