the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
