just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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