Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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