I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
