According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
