So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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