But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
