Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
