i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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