You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
