Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize