R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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