where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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