Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
