So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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