I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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