Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
