Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
