I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
